that moment when you get the worst stats ever in fire emblem, thanks a lot rng

SECOND COLLECTION AND I’M SHORT BY A HUNDRED + PIX HRAAAAAWR

ALL THOSE DAMN KIDS COMING IN LOOKING FOR HATS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD MY WARES

ALL THE PEOPLE SELLING INSTEAD OF BUYING

I’M SO DONE

I’ll just… play mother 3 to console myself… _(:3/_)_

1. if you choose a monster or a robot as your hero nothing changes the game’s intro so you could be all “oh this is normal even if my parents are humans” WHELP I assume it’s adoption
2. because if it isn’t I do not want to think about what may have happened to your mother and the monsters, nope
3. on a related note, leaving towns and venturing into the world map is scary as fuck for me, I have never been this close to shitting myself while waiting for encounters because you can see the outlines of the monsters running to rape my weak-as-fuck party, oh my fucking god, this is nightmare fuel for me okay.
4. and it’s not like the encounters are “finish this part of the map and then we’ll refresh for you after you enter new towns/caves/dungeons”, more like “wander into the forest a few feet away and come back to find more monsters stalking you like a pro”
5. also what the fuck three groups just chained together/tag-teamed my party, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE DOWN NINE OF YOU ASSHATS, what will I do without sensei once I leave this damn cave
6. leveling up what the fuck is leveling up you level up individual stats and good luck figuring out how to control it!!!
7. it is also perfectly normal to run out of weapons mid-level grinding WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS THIS FIRE EMBLEM
8. can I just say though that the characters are cuties I mean seriously look at the tiny mecha robots and the attractive espirs
9. I’ll pretend I understand how weapon effectiveness is calculated, yes, give me your best equipment, kind sir — what do you mean there is no best equipment, I can’t believe you’re selling me PUNCH and KICK like it’s not something I innately do
10. THERE IS A GAY OPTION, HUZZAH. I went with two humans and two espirs for my party, and when this thread of fate option opened, I may have triggered love mode for the female human and the female espir
11. same goes for the male human and the male espir
12. and oops I did not mean to establish hate sex between female espir and male human, lemme resolve that issue by making you friends — wait why is this option not happening, am I doing it wrong???
13. maybe it’s because male human and female human are also in love mode HAHAHAHA oh fuck what am I doing with my life
14. thread of fates leveled up from childhood friends to soul mates, more like indiscriminate orgy, dear god I hope this doesn’t affect my ending
15. you know what if this game weren’t so HELLO INSERT NAME HERE I would totes write fic about the  disaster that is my party and their messed up love lives, it’s like an MTV drama all over again minus all the drinking
16. except you know I could totes give gifts to the hot muses babes ala harvest moon. Hero is kind of a slut that way.
17. that excruciating moment when the map is too damn big and the distance between you and the nearest exit/town is littered with rape monsters going I’MMA GET YOU HURHURHUR
18. it is perfectly acceptable for your party members to loot the corpses of relic guardians and read their sordid love letters, yes
19. when you get an awesome ability and you go YES I HAVE YOU NOW MY PRETTY only to lose said skill a few monster encounters later, DAMN IT
20. why is there even a cunt in this game omfg
21. apparently bananas are illegal in Edo, if you know what I mean

okay fuck wish me luck while I try not to die some more